Day 13

So, I have dream again. I would have tell Alakath, but he and Heather talk when I wake up. Seems she has feeling for him. I can tell he like her, too, but maybe not same way. Or maybe that just how he talk to female in general. He very nice. So, instead I write dream here to show him later.

I run through forest, like did when Branja did before Alakath find me. This part more like memory than dream. I see dark shadow ahead, just like did then. Now I recognize as Amaka, who when I start to get close, run away. I continue to run. Branja, however, get closer, as she run faster than I can. I lucky to have head start.

Soon, path turn. As soon as I turn, another dark shadow I can see. This one resemble Alakath. It opens arms to embrace me as I run through it. I look behind, nothing there. I look where going again, and memory end. Instead, I run into hot cave full of flowing earth.

On an archway just a few feet above flowing earth, Amaka and dark furred bunny are fighting. Alakath no where to be seen. Dark furred bunny use much magic to attack Amaka, who only has knife. Even in dim glow of flowing earth, it is obvious Amaka is already severely beaten up, and has no chance in defeating dark bunny.

Alakath come flying from far away, himself cast by large monatati, I know there is domicii word for this, but I cannot recall it. The monatati is also very dark, despite being in glow of flowing earth. Alakath lands on top of Amaka, knocking her onto her back. She is now vulnerable to dark bunny.

Dark bunny takes advantage and slings dark ball at her. Amaka screams loudly and disappear when it hit her. Alakath frantically look for her, but cannot find. He turn to dark bunny and charge her with sword. She laugh and cast dark ball at Alakath. The dream end before I see what happen, when the monatati grab me and throw me into dark cave. Last thing I see is eyes glowing in the cave, a deafening rumble blocking out all the sound.

I tell Johan this and he agree with me that it is something that is to come. I say that I think it symbol of what Alakath go do today, but Johan say it not. He say that it something to come much later. He say that I need to feel what spirits say. I feel they are tense and angry, but I know not why.

I think Gladia sense my stress, as she spend less time looking at map and record of old place and more time just being with me. As rough and not woman like as she act, it easy to forget she is woman. We spend much of morning and afternoon at various shop looking at dress and other clothes.

She not have much money, but she buy each of us new outfit. She buy me cute black dress while she buy herself a more modest grey one. She say we will wear them on special occasion. I ask what one, and she say we’ll know when right time is.

Eventually, Heather come back to Johan’s. She was very happy, it seemed. Apparently, bad man Jonah died. Also, man leading people Amaka with also die. She now is likely to stay with family, now that they are together. I ask if she come with us sometime, and Heather say that Amaka want to, but because she hurt, she cannot right now. Maybe later we go see her. I miss her.

After our evening meal, Gladia comment on how strong Heather look to be. Heather say that she could beat anyone in a wrestle, even with one arm. Gladia laugh and suggest that I wrestle her. Heather agree, but insist we both be naked. Johan chuckle at that and step outside.

It took me very little time to pin her. She very strong, but I think both Gladia and Heather think I am weak. I just sat on Heather for several minutes as she tried to roll over. Shortly after she stop to catch breath, Alakath walk in and make a comment about Heather enjoying being “girl handled”. I do not know what that mean, but he and Gladia laugh at it, and Gladia do things to make Heather squeal and squirm under me. Eventually, we decide Heather have enough and let her up.

I think Heather wanted to stay with Alakath, but instead decided that he should rest. He did say, though, that his home is repaired and we move back there tomorrow. His home small, so I do not know how he will fit all of us there. We find out then.

I tell Gladia and Heather about dream I have. They both say same as Johan, that it must be something that is to come. Since Alakath come back and Amaka still alive, it must be so. I do not know if it symbol or literal, though. I talk to Alakath tomorrow about it, see what he has to say.

Day 12

So, today was fun day. I meet new friend, Heather. She dress very much like us ferii luuvatii. That is, she doesn’t wear much of anything. For us, garment reserve for kruum and kraam. Johavarin also would wear garment, but this was not to offend the domicii he traded with, as they seem to prefer people to wear them.

Johavarin say she is to be a “squire” for Alakath. This is not a known thing to me. Johavarin say it like chelata, only not forced, and people treat squire with respect. Alakath say same thing. So it not like chelata then. We don’t have word for this. Domicii are strange.

I think Heather think I’m strange as well. I ask why is she so big, and she just laugh and say that’s how she is. She is way bigger than me, but not fatty, aside from her breasts and buttocks, and then, those look firm and fit like the rest of her. I ask what about her lets her be that way, she just say it’s her genetics? I ask her what that is, and she say it’s what what makes us what we are. I ask Johavarin tomorrow about this.

Alakath go to bed early tonight. I first thought it was just because he didn’t sleep much the previous couple of days, but Heather say he has something going on tomorrow. That something he say I need to stay out of. I ask Heather what it is, but she wouldn’t tell me. She say that I better off not knowing.

I understand they don’t want me to worry, but keeping things from me like this just make me worry anyway. Maybe I worry less this way? I do not think so, but I cannot force them to tell me, either. I guess I will worry no matter what.

Gladia and Johavarin just got back a few minutes ago. Gladia seem more sad than usual. I think the book may have said something that she doesn’t like. Or maybe she just misses her brother more for whatever reason. I go to cheer her somehow. Maybe Heather know a way...

Day 11

I do not know why Gladia get upset with Alakath. He is important man here, so he cannot be here all the time to tend to us. This why we stay with Johan. He keep us as safe as he can plus help teach me this writing.

He say this is like our kronnos liibriuu. “Clan history” in this tongue. Only it is just my story, not my whole people’s. He, and Alakath, call it a “journal”. Either way, it is to tell my thoughts and my story so others long time from now may know how things are today.

I still worry about Amaka, but Alakath keeps saying she is safe. I hope to see her. I want her back with us, and I will do what it takes for that to be. She not safe there. She only safe with us.

So today, while helping him clean his home, I talk to Johan about this. He say I should trust Alakath, like I don’t! I tell him I do, but I do not believe Amaka is safe. Johan say that Alakath sees “big picture”, and knows things that I cannot know.

I ask how Alakath know these things. Johan say that Alakath been here a long time and know how everything operates. This knowledge is why he want to send me and Amaka to another city. One Gladia from, called Drayden’s Burrow. One Johan traded with when the clan was still alive.

Johan ask me at one point today if I wanted to rebuild clan. I tell him I do, but I need suitable kruum. I tell him if he were not old, I would let him be new kruum, but he too old. He die before the first born could complete the kruumii leticii, if he not too old to produce offspring to begin with. He appear to understand, although for rest of day, he seem sad.

To try and cheer him, I tell him I have idea who I would make new kruum. He shook his head when I say Alakath could be new one. He say that kruum need be canine and Feral. If not him, then may have to make arrangement with Bruumweild. I cannot do that. They horrible, cruel people. They will not help.

He say it the only way if it isn’t him. I ask why? He say the kruumii leticii will not work if otherwise. I believe there must be a way. Tomorrow, Gladia say she go to library, place full of books. I will go with her. Maybe somehow there is a book that can help me find way. If not Alakath, then it must be someone who will at least live long enough for the kruumii leticii to take place.

Of course, the kruumii leticii may not work anyway. It requires one of the parents to already be kruum or kraam. In this case, neither of us would be. Maybe there’s something that has to be different in this case. Another ritual, perhaps. I will look into this.

Today, Gladia just poured over her maps and books. She still seems unsure if she want to go to that place. I asked her what is there. She says an ancient artifact that her brother believed would bring them much wealth. I think she may not pursue it now that she has lost her brother.

I spent much time helping Johan with chores today. He didn’t spend much time helping me learn this writing. He seemed distracted by something. I hope it isn’t what I said about rebuilding the clan.

Alakath, like yesterday, was gone all day. Supposedly, he is “squiring” some girl. I ask Johan what this mean, but I still don’t understand. He say a squire like chelata, only the squire is willing and people view it as being honorable. Squires apparently help their “sire” with many thing, including fighting and exploring.

Alakath still isn’t back yet, but I am getting too tired to stay awake. I hope that dream doesn’t happen again. If so, maybe Alakath will be here.

Day 10

My friend Johavarin, or as my hero Alakath call him, Johan, has taught me language of the domicii. I do not know what the word for them is in this language. Johavarin says they have a word for us. Feral they call us. I know this word and its meaning. It is not nice. But I am sure our word for them is as bad to them, should they learn it.

My other friend, Amaka, I worry for. She go missing and now is with a rovali coopata. Johavarin says the words for this is revolutionary sect. They are people with a different set of belief than those in power. While our clan did not have this problem, in clan that do, they are killed by fire when the kruum defeat them. Johavarin says that the domicii rovalii would be hang with rope should they fail.

So now I write my history. My epiccia, as it is in my words. As Alakath say, my story. I do not know why we ferii luuvatii do not do this, but maybe, when I go to rebirth my clan, I teach my people to do this. When I am no longer Tabira Skaalliit Kolvlein, but Kraam Skaalliit Kolvlein.

Now I begin my epiccia.

I was born twenty two winters ago. My parents were Kruum Kolvlein and a candisha. Kraam Kolvlein was said to be angry at him for it, and she took out that anger on me. As much as I try to please her, I cannot remember a day she did not beat me. She say she had reason each time, but my siblings did the same as I and were not beaten. Only I was beat, usually with a leather lash that she also used as weapon in war.

This go on for a few winters. After my fifth winter, Kraam Kolvlein beat me worse than normal one day. To avoid her wrath any more, I ran into woods around camp. There was a plant where I ran to I use to help the tears in my skin heal. I would take the leaves, cover my tears with them, and lay for a few hours. It was normal I would sleep from crying.

I wake up from sleep on this day and return to camp. I find all huts burning and everyone dead. When I find father and Kraam Kolvlein, I fall onto knees and cry loudly. The Bruumweild hear me and take me to their camp. This is how I become tabira.

My captors began humiliating me the moment they found me. The moment before they capture me was last time I wore clothes until Alakath gave me dress. As soon as bad ferii find me, they rip off all clothes and wrap me with rope. They were sure to have it tight between my legs, to where it was uncomfortable.

They put collar around my neck and tied a rope to it. With this, they drag me to their camp. Even when my legs collapse from being tired, they continue to drag me. I got cut and torn severely by this. But they did not allow me to care for injuries.

They immediately put me to work. They made me wash and clean chelatai and candishai. Sometimes, they make me use my mouth to clean them, binding my hands behind my back. Sometimes, while I clean these people, men would come by and ejaculate onto me, as if I were candisha. But I had not seen enough winters to be candisha.

Early on, I try to complain. I was punished for this by beatings and having things shoved into me. I prefer the beatings, as they hurt less. The objects they would shove into me would either be too large for the orifice they chose, usually my anus, or either hot from fire or have sharp barbs. I learned quickly not to complain. But, even when I do not complain, they do these things.

When I passed my eighteenth winter, they began to tie me to a bed and have each of the gloodishii rape me and ejaculate into me, trying to breed my lineage into their line. I can only thank one of the chelata, as she put an herb in my food that kept me from becoming pregnant. The result of that, however, is that the men became more abusive with their rapes.

This go on for another four winters. Until a couple of week ago. While cleaning one of the chelata, one of the soldiers that guard me pinned me and tried to rape me in the anus. The chelata, who I was friend with, threw him off of me. Before he could get up, I grab his sword and stab him over and over. By the time I finish, more guard come in and shove me away.

They proceed to beat me on spot, using the flat of sword, rope, lash. My friend scream at them, but they ignore her. She scream for them to stop, but they do not stop. The last I remember, one of the guard stand me up while another hit my face with the handle of his sword.

I wake up to Alakath standing over me. He carry me into this town, he call it Maidenhelm. He take me to doctors, who bandage and use string to close my wounds. Alakath then give me nice food and clothes. He get Johavarin to teach me his language.

I meet Amaka. Sweet girl, but I think she wants Alakath to be hers. She help Alakath find information on bad men in town. She go with me and Alakath’s bad friend, Berith. He supposed to take us to his brother, but instead he attempt to sell us to someone. That fail only because of dog friend, Gladia.

Gladia is nice. She new to us, but already just as worry about Amaka as I. She strong, too. Carry Amaka many miles apparently. Amaka look like she weighs much. She looks like someone who fights a lot. Many scars I can see. She is sad a lot, now. Her brother died a few days ago when we find her.

Now, I stay with Johavarin while Alakath’s house is rebuild. Alakath stays here, too, although he gone more than not. He now doing something with someone named Heather. Johavarin calls it squiring. He says it is a good thing for the girl. Brings her much honor.

When I rebirth my clan, I want Alakath to be my Kruum. He and Johavarin are the only two men here who have help me. Johavarin is too old, so it must be Alakath. When that time come, he will be mine, no matter what I have to do to make it so. 

Day 9

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Day 8

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Day 7

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